Next Chapter New Life

By M Foley

Can you remember a time when you took what someone said personally? Odds are you spent a whole bunch of

Photo: Ambro

time, energy, and emotion on how you felt slight, what you wish you had said, and what you were going to do about it. After it was over, you were slumped in out chair feeling exhausted, still facing a long to-do list, wishing you had spent your time getting it done.

Here’s the thing. Amazingly, throughout your work day people aren’t going around thinking about YOUR feelings!

They’re not saying, “Gee, when I call Sally on the phone, when I send her an e-mail, when I see her in today’s meeting, how is she going to feel about what I say or do?” Nooooo, they’re just doing their thing! But how often have do you react to something a co-worker has said or done when it was delivered in less than a positive tone?

Taking it personally plagued me until one day I had an “Ah-ha/Oh-duh” moment. It happened just after I decided to make a big AOL career move from hard-earned position of being the call center manager of 250 people to join the human resources team to head up the company’s first ever corporate training group. A few months after making the switch the company held a big party where I ran into a customer service rep who used to work for me.

We started chatting and he remarked, “Mary, I don’t understand why you took this new job. I mean you were doing so well in the call center and you could have gone up and up. It doesn’t make sense.” At first I was shocked, wanting to defend my decision, and started to take it personally.

Then I caught myself and thought “How come this guy thinks he knows more about what’s best for me than I do?” In that moment I decided that instead of justifying my career move, I’d simply make a statement. With a smile I replied, “You know, I think it was the best move for me”, exited myself from the conversation, and moved on. In a flash I learned something simple and powerful that you can use, too.

When someone says or does something that sparks an internal reaction, when you start to take it personally, when you want to say something to defend yourself, hesitate. Give yourself a few seconds of delay to ask yourself “Is this something I ought to pay attention to? Does it really have merit?” It’s amazing when you create a few seconds of delay and ask yourself a simple question that you often think “No, not enough” and let it go.

Certainly, there are those times when you think, “Well, I may not take this personally, but I need to say something, I need to do something to speak my mind and set the record straight.” Bodacious Women recognize this need and make the phone call, write the e-mail, go see the person, or do whatever they believe is appropriate. And, then, when you’re done, still let it go.

Creating the habit of not taking it personally takes some effort, but so worth it. Because you will save yourself a lot of time, a lot of frustration, and maybe even a little heartache.

Mary Foley inspires women with practical advice to create sanity for their lives & confidence for their careers – all while having a bit of fun! She is the author of three books including Bodacious Career: Outrageous Success for Working Women, and a popular national speaker. Get her FREE Sanity, Confidence and Fun Action pack full of e-books, mini-posters and other goodies at http://www.MaryFoley.com